Getting to Grateful
Fair warning:
You might be wondering why I didn't lead with a picture of the calf. I should start by sharing that this story doesn't have the happy ending the title might imply. Rather it is more about the school of hard knocks and lessons learned. It is actually heartbreaking but truly worth telling. This is more about overcoming adversity, receiving community support in times of need, and finding a way to get to grateful.
I tell this story because I am hopeful it will help someone else. I believe the valuable lessons we learned might be informative and maybe even inspirational. Unfortunately, the picture at the end of this blog isn't of the healthy mom and baby. It is a painful reminder that we are not always in control of outcomes. I only share the photo of the calf because it helps tell the story but it is hard to see.
The story:
I was awakened in the wee morning hours by a cow mooing. Just once, but our cows don't typically moo unless something is going on. I also suspected we had a heifer that may have been close to delivering her first calf. So I got up to take a look.
All four of the girls were laying right outside my bedroom window along the fence. Nothing seemed amiss, so I laid back down. My husband asked me what was going on, and I filled him in, adding that everything appeared to be okay. We both lie awake listening for any further activity before finally dozing back off to sleep.
Not a peep was heard the rest of the night and I was awakened by the alarm clock. My usual routine is to open the blinds and look for the cows before I go to make coffee. When I did this, I saw Missy laying right where the cows had been in the middle of the night, but the other cows were up and grazing.
Missy was the heifer that I had mentioned was close to delivering. My sense was something might be going on so I threw on my flip flops and headed out to check her. Sure enough, as I got close I could see she was in labor. Unfortunately I failed to grab my glasses so I couldn't see all that well.
I ran back inside and grabbed my glasses, and hollered at Larry that we had a baby coming! He had often times told me when I would talk about the impending deliveries, "We'll know when there's a hoof sticking out." So of course I added, "For real, there's a hoof sticking out."
I could barely contain my excitement. It was finally here!!! I grabbed the camera and ran back outside. Unfortunately my excitement quickly turned to concern. I was able to see more clearly with my glasses on and what I saw did not look like what I had expected.
As inexperienced as I was, I felt something was wrong but had no real idea what or even how wrong. I just knew we needed reinforcements. I ran back in and told Larry something wasn't right. I suggested we call the neighbor just to have him check her. He did, trusting my instinct even though I am usually overreacting.
So I set up the camera while Larry fetched water for Missy. I made my way to the shed to help Larry and mentioned I could see the calf's tongue with a bit of nervous laughter. While that seemed cute, it was exactly what had me worried.
Our neighbor Ray showed up pretty quickly and immediately surveyed the heifer. I think he knew but wasn't telling us just yet. He had a strap in his hand and said he brought it 'just in case'. After watching her for just a few minutes he suggested we needed to help her.
So Ray began to instruct Larry on how to intervene and I just watched and listened, feeling pretty helpless. In an effort to prepare us for what I thought I already knew, he told a story of his own experience with a stillborn. With some light-heartedness I told him that wasn't a story I wanted to hear. Still, I knew it was one I was actually living through at that very moment and he told his story to remind me that sometimes things don't go the way we want them to.
It was then that he told us the hard truth. He said he was sorry but he was worried the calf was not alive. So I walked away and went to get the UTV as requested, in tears. I arrived back just in time to see the baby born, lifeless but beautiful. Larry worked to try and resuscitate the baby but it was clear we were just too late. He didn't give up though, even as our neighbor consoled him knowing there was nothing more we could do.
I asked if it was a heifer or a bull. Larry lifted his leg and said it was a boy. A very BIG boy at that. Even our neighbor was very surprised at how big he was considering it was his bull and he had seen several calves born to his sire. None were that big. Maybe just too big for our first time momma. He truly was a beautiful baby.
In the end, we turned our focus to the momma. She had been through so much and we were all very worried about her. She was still laying down and not a peep from her. We needed to make sure she got up or she could have serious complications and even die.
She stood up once after we bugged her enough, but tumbled back to the ground fairly quickly. Our neighbor had to leave for a doctor's appointment and left us with a stern warning to get her up in 20 minutes or so along with some tips on how to do so.
An hour had passed and she had not stood up yet. Worried, I called the local vet clinic. The livestock vet called me back and suggested some electrolyte drink and range cubes. Said she would be out as soon as she could but was already on an emergency call.
Larry ran to get some electrolyte drink from the store and I took her some range cubes. Up to that point the rest of the herd had stayed back just watching. Polly, our other heifer, was a little more curious. She made her way over when she realized I had food.
She nibbled along with Missy on the cubes until they were gone. At one point she headbutt me as I tried to nudge Missy to get up, and did the same to Missy as if playing. Not sure if she was trying to play or protect, but I knew she was only acting on instinct.
By the time Larry had made it back, I was having to stave off the vultures with a stick. We poured the contents of the bottles into the water trough, and soon we were surrounded by the herd. They had all realized there was a sweet treat involved and they weren't going to be left out. They were nudging Missy and crowding her. Missy became annoyed enough that she stood up! I was so relieved!
She was very wobbly on her hind legs and still in process of delivering the afterbirth. Not out of the woods by any means but a step in the right direction! We called the vet to tell her she was up and she told us to just watch her close.
At that point we could start reflecting on the whirlwind that had just occurred. I was thinking of all of the things we might have done differently to get a better outcome. What if we had went out in the dark to check her? Could we have saved the calf?
At the same time I was so proud of how we had handled it. Larry did some really hard things with so much grace. Larry pulling the calf, trying to resuscitate him, and then having to bury him - it was so hard to watch. I can only imagine how he must have been feeling. I was so proud of him. For me, I didn't fall apart and start making things harder but instead tried to help and follow instructions.
I have worked my way through a host of emotions. I started happy and excited when I figured out Missy was in labor, then concern and sadness quickly progressed to angry. After all, we lost our very first calf this morning, stillborn. I won't lie. I was pretty angry. I get that this is part of ranching, and I fully understand things won't always work out as we want them to. I love these animals we interact with and care for day after day and it is really hard not to feel for them in difficult times. I am only human after all.
Right now I am grateful.
Grateful Missy Moo is doing well and recovering nicely. She stood up, even though she was exhausted and wanted to rest.
Grateful for supportive friends, family, and wonderful neighbors who have cheered us on, came to our aid when we needed it. There are many people who genuinely want to see us succeed.
Grateful that God has given us the opportunity to live our dream, and the wherewithal to chase it.
Hard to be mad when you are grateful. Took me a long time to get there, but I made it.
Below is a picture of Missy after she finally stood up.
Scroll down just slightly further if you would like to see a picture of the baby shortly after Larry's attempts to resuscitate. You can almost feel his pain.
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